Effective
leadership is being able to present and frame the outcomes you need to achieve
in a language and style that makes sense to the recipients. Clearly trying to
encourage a four-year-old child to keep their bedroom tidy because of the health
implications might not make much sense but framing it in such a way that they
understand they'll be able to make space for even more toys and have friends
sleep over might make better sense to them.
If
you see someone behaving in a way that you view as wrong or unacceptable, you
have to remember that their behaviour is working for them. And once you see why
it works for them and what value they get from it, you'll understand it. Then
you can start to accept it and feel differently about it. To achieve the type of
reframe in the way you think, feel and behave, you need to step inside out: your
inner self steps out of you, and into a person with whom you wish to share
success.
Let
go of some of your preconceptions, assumptions and biases and start to
understand what internal drivers cause other people to behave in a certain way.
For example, you might know of someone who you would describe as overbearing,
directive and dictatorial. How do you react when you are with them? Is your
behaviour defensive, aggressive, submissive? If you were to step inside (let's
call him ...) Jim's body and experience the pains and problems he faces every
day, you would start to appreciate just why he appears to be such a control
freak. Perhaps he lost his last job because he gave people in the team freedom
to behave responsibly and with integrity, and the team abused the trust, which
led to lost business and resulted in Jim's dismissal. Maybe the personal
consequences of Jim's dismissal were even greater, having lost his accompanying
medical benefits, his wife was moved from a private hospital to a public
hospital 100 miles away from the family. As a consequence he's not prepared to
be in a situation again where he offers trust to employees until he's absolutely
sure that won't put his career and family life in jeopardy again. By making this
leap, you start to understand what's driving others' behaviour and you can
develop the right approach to bridge these problems and demonstrate that the
other person can trust you.
The
notion of a multiverse is crucial in any step inside out decision. Standing on
your side of the fence you can never see someone else's problem.The first stage
in understanding someone else's world view is simply acknowledging that their
world exists and is related to but different to yours. You can then move on to
walking in their shoes and seeing the world as they see it. But first you have
to reframe your world orientation -- that means taking a multidimensional view.
Reframing
your world view allows you access to different perspectives and how they are
formed. Reframing is an essential tool in conflict resolution and relationship
management.
Andy
has a problem with one of his team members, Barbara. No matter how much he tries
he can't seem to resolve it. He sees that her performance is down and his
efforts to help don't work. But he's failed to see this from Barbara's
perspective. As a single person with no commitments, Andy is driven by work,
money and fun. As a single mother Barbara is driven by her family, work and
rest. Unless Andy is able to step into her shoes, walk her walk and experience
her life then it doesn't matter how much encouragement or extra financial
inducement he offers her to improve, nothing will work. By thinking, feeling and
acting as she does, he will be able to understand what factors will help to
generate shared success.
(c) Mick Cope